As an opening for this article I’d like to say that 2014 had been really an amazing year to me. Good things had been passing through and so do the bad things. That was life. A normal life in my lifetime yet it was wonderful. I am so thankful. I thank God for everything; showing me how life could be so kind when I was being so close to Him.
The real life was people said hello to say goodbye.
In early January I had tried so hard to lose the bad side of myself; to get better and be more positive. But that was never easy. In fact, I have been trying till now, and will never stop until I stay in a good stage of it. Stable!
Been through a lot in university; class troubles, the difficulty of subjects, the random and ‘RECKLESS’ researches, the new people, the most terrible trip to Tidung island (I adore the island but not how I got there), the unknown whispers, the old friends came around, the truth and the lies, and the hopes. They were all just happening in real life. If I was a movie director, I would probably put a lot of drama scene on it. And if I was a famous author, I would totally prolong the prologue and create the “Happily Ever After”. But I ain’t… And my life was not controlled by any of them.
I could write about what I had passed through, but not what I would go through. I do not have power to take a peek on future. That would be amazing if I could, but then I would not be this curious about next year. Human is merely human. We have limits.
There is a part of this life which is unavoidable; the lies. I have to say that it was so sad to find the fact that your trusted one was the one who could produce the lies more than a stranger could do. Even when all of the evidence had cornered him/her, the fear of being caught was not there. Every single year, human have always face to face with lies and tell lies more often than the truth. Till I must admit, and sadly accept, that lying is allowed –– whether it is for good, or bad…..
So when people have liked lying, a denial is growing.
An endless madness was caused by a terrible love (Thanks to Birdy for her voice in my ears in every sleepless night). I could not say that everything had changed. No! Something remained. Something was hardly forgotten. Something was always here and…. there. What a human could do to turn this so called ‘love’ into nothing but … nothing? Those poems were not written by random inspirations themselves. They had causes; a history behind. There was always a ‘behind the scene’ for every single works that were done. And that ‘behind the scene’ was not always a simple scene.
How could we be friends when all you could do to me was ‘I don’t wanna talk about it’ and ‘I want to be alone’? I could not be tolerant of those behaviors anymore for I had been put in a circumstance of confusion. Big time!
The health might be damaged. Thank God I never complained and I would always believe that the cure would always be found. At least, act like you were not sick and forget that the herbs you had to drink was your medicine because they were not. You just got a chance to change your life style. So enjoy it. We will be good, eventually.
For all the moments I shared with everyone around me, there was one unforgettable moment in 2014. That was when my research proposal was declined and for the first time in my life, I cried because of education. I never stayed against the education, I always stayed by its side. And I just found that I was so weak to face the failure in my life. I was never ready for it. And that, have to be changed, soon! Believe that failure is not the end of the world (totally sounds classic!).
However, next year will differ… or maybe not. I cannot wish anything for I do not know how I will be able to do it. But one thing I will always pray on, ‘may God always be with me’.
With that, I can go on….